One Year

It has been one year.

One year since I found myself gasping for breath, heart racing, sweat pouring down my face, and my vision fading to black. One year since I came back to consciousness on a sidewalk surrounded by strangers. One year since I was rushed to the hospital and admitted to the ICU. One year since I had to deal with insurance companies who did not have my best interests at heart. One year since life on blood thinners as the “new normal.” One year since developing an intense fear of my body and the unseen killer inside me.

And…

It has been one year.

One year since I learned how to stand up for myself against the health care bureaucracy. One year since I renewed a commitment to paying close attention to my body. One year since I offered my gratitude for being given a second chance against a condition that very well could have killed me. One year since I discovered just how intensely I am loved.

It is amazing what gifts one trip around the sun can bring. Not the least of which being the mere fact that I am alive to appreciate it.

May we all thrive.

credit qbg903 freeimages

Photo Credit: qbg903, freeimages.com

 

Rooted and Still Growing

Oh, this adjustment thing is still up. (Like it will ever end?)

Recently, (and I’d like to believe that this is a result of this conscious alignment work), some rather significant aspects of my life that have been out of whack are finally coming back into balance. And I’m here to tell you, the impact on my well-being is palpable. My life feels more expansive. I am finding that there is more room to breathe. For this, I am beyond grateful.

What was out of balance related to my integrity. I found myself negotiating things I have always considered non-negotiable. It has been such a gift and a blessing to finally find my feet again, and stand more firmly in my values. It feels like, for lack of a better word … home.

But, like anything, there is a shadow side to all of this. I have wanted resolution in these realms for so long, thinking that there would be so much more ease in my life once I had achieved them. Yeah… wrong. Although I have significant sense of relief and expanded opportunity, finding balance in these aspects of my life is serving to highlight the other aspects of my life that need to be brought into alignment.

I still have a job that doesn’t reflect my values, interests, or needs beyond the financial. I still struggle with feeling comfortable in my home, despite my efforts to invoke beauty. There are other more intimate and personal places that need examination and adjustment as well. True balance is fleeting and damn it, it’s hard work. But that just makes it that more valuable a process.

I just need to keep reminding myself that it is such a gift to be able to face the challenges before me having found balance in some truly integral areas of my life. If I can maintain healthy roots, then I can continue to grow. “Maintain” is the key word there. I don’t believe for one second that I have done all the work I need to do in those realms and now I can rest on my laurels. But it’s certainly nice to have a much healthier place to start than I did even a few months ago.

The work begins again. (And again. And again. And…)

Rooted in my values, I align.
Rooted in my boundaries, I align.
Rooted in my integrity, I align.

Passion, Desire and Tornadoes

Last Saturday I had the opportunity to indulge my inner weather nerd and attend the WGN Severe Weather Seminar out at Fermilabs in Batavia, IL. Not only did I meet my weather hero, meteorologist Tom Skilling, but I got to listen to folks like the director of the National Weather Service and a climate scientist who also happens to be a Nobel laureate, and a few other distinguished guests. 

The best part of the presentation? These guys obviously love what they do and love to talk about it. The worst part of the presentation? These guys obviously love what they do and love to talk about it. We left at the four-hour mark, after arriving an hour early to grab seats, and they were still going. I definitely have some feedback about program length … but for the most part, it was pretty fascinating stuff. I learned quite a bit about trends in the field and the process of forecasting.

I even got to bone up on my ASL, since I had a clear view of the interpreters. (Those women earned their paycheck, man. That would be a *tough* interpreting gig.) I can now sign “tornado”, “severe weather”, and “climate change.” I was also pretty impressed that I could follow along reasonably well, and anticipate some of the signs. Maybe I need to start looking at signing up for that 201 class again… but I digress.

The most inspiring part of the seminar was the sheer passion these speakers had for their field of study. I want to find that one thing (or maybe a combination of many things) that I can have that level of passion and commitment to bringing forth. I think I’ve touched that place … ritual certainly, teaching Earth-based spirituality definitely… but it would be wonderful to have that on a regular basis and as something that was accessible to a wider audience. This is the work of the moment, for sure.

One thing I have learned, seeing people embracing their passions and finding joy in their work is something that never ceases to delight and inspire me. I might feel a tinge of envy, but these days, I find that motivating. (That hasn’t always been true. Yay, growth!) My prayers these days are all about bringing my desire and my passion together in order to feed something greater than myself. So mote it be, baby. So mote it be.